Taking Action

This blog has been something I’ve been thinking of writing and subsequently putting off for some time. It has been too easy to deny any ownership. However I felt somewhat compelled to share the significance of good mental health from my own experiences.

The movement surrounding ‘mental health’ has risen in prominence, particularly amongst younger individuals within recent years. The impact of poor mental health however really isn’t understood internally until it is experienced. It is easy enough to read countless self-help books around meditation and mindfulness, and to binge watch self-help gurus preach on YouTube for no other reason than self-validation. I’ve done all of this, believe me. The stumbling block for many actually lies in taking action.

This blog will be very rough around the edges. The message I aim to convey however, far supersedes the quality of writing. Please bear with. It is in the hope that I can offer both insights into my experiences regarding mental health and cultivate a space whereby others impacted by their own mental health are able to relate and connect. To truly create change, it is vital that I am as open and honest as possible. It it is therefore equally important that you are truly honest with yourself. If you can be truly honest with yourself, you will very much be on your way to creating meaningful change and working towards a life where everyday is full of things that will bring you real happiness.

“I am afraid we must make the world honest before we can honestly say to our children that honesty is the best policy” ~ George Bernard Shaw

Why this blog?

I’m Max and I’m twenty five years old. Over the past couple of years I’ve found it increasingly difficult to function within day to day life, with persistent feelings of anxiety and ‘difference’ stemming back from my time in high school. My more recent struggles have arose particularly within jobs; struggling with headspace, overwhelming feelings of anxiety, negative thought patterns and shot of any confidence or self-esteem. These thoughts and feelings transcended into my everyday life, causing me to lose almost all normality. This included employment, a vehicle and even a mobile phone. The negativity quickly spiralled, taking me to some extremely dark places. I felt I could no longer function or contribute in society. Suicide contemplation was becoming an ever present and recurring thought and although this saddened me to the core, it felt increasingly appealing as the only way to escape feeling this way. Not only did suicide feel viable, but I was actually starting to reason against not taking my own life. This is a very dangerous place to be. I always thought that it could never be me who was affected, I was bulletproof? But here I was, having those exact thoughts. Fortunately they stayed as thoughts.

It took me around three months to tell close friends and family of my health struggles, another two months before reaching out to my doctor regarding counselling and medication and a further four months before I took action and sought out professional help in the form of therapy. The key here was ‘taking action’. Overriding emotions included guilt, a sense of personal neglect and sadness for the way the past few years of life had gone. However, tapping into these emotions serves as a self-reminder of the journey. This journey of self-development has been far more fruitful than any other stage I can remember in my life. This realisation came with being honest. It is with this shift in perspective and upturn in action that I have been able to transform what I have long seen as an extremely dark and negative period of my life into an extremely positive and rewarding journey.

Writing this is not intended to conjure sympathy, nor is this actually about me. It is intended as a blog surrounding hope, that others struggling hopefully can connect with or relate to in some form. A disclaimer around my mental health is that it has been a contribution of many things. I came to realise all of these had been in my control, but at the time I could not see this. Letting standards slip, bottling emotions and denying myself honesty and integrity caused much of this negativity to spiral out of control. Employing a victim mentality and failing to take ownership of my own life and decisions additionally contributed profoundly. This not only affected myself but also family and close friends. I am extremely fortunate and eternally grateful to have a strong and tight-knit family network and a handful of close friends that have supported me during my darkest times, even when I resisted their support and input.

Consistently attempting to internalise and understand my thoughts alone facilitated the confusion. I believed I could ‘fix’ myself alone. Reaching out to friends and family, and attending therapy were major shifts in understanding this. Opening up, being extremely honest and vulnerably reflective of my own life were key aspects to this. Speaking to a professional who challenged my thoughts and made me view things from another perspective proved invaluable. The road to recovery has been long, sometimes arduous and will always be a work in progress. There will more be bumps in the road I have no doubt. However, action is completely necessary in order to change circumstance. Without action and desire for change, change is not possible.

“The best way out is always through” ~ Robert Frost

Whilst it is important to provide context of situation, it is also extremely imperative to focus on the positivity in life. For me, this includes academic achievements, the effort to change circumstance and the development into a much more intentional, calm and focused man. Whilst before I found it increasingly difficult to see these achievements; with honesty, effort, desire and integrity the future is far brighter.

Helping yourself

I am not redesigning the wheel. Much of the information around methods are available in abundance online and within books. I have however utilised many of the tools and resources and am able to offer my personal insights into the value they have provided me. There are many different tools that can be utilised to find clarity and understanding in the way we feel. However, patience is required to sift the plethora of a very saturated market that is self-help. 

Habit formation has been the single best tool I have utilised in taking back control and creating a structure for development and change. A book I highly recommend for shifting perspective on habits, such as how we start our day; simplifying menial tasks and remaining consistently accountable within our personal organisation is Atomic Habits by James Clear. The book is an effortless read, broken down into simple and easily-digestible chapters which unlike many other self-help books provides real and actionable advice. It describes the methods of routine and habit formation far greater than I am able to, and so I highly recommend giving this a read. There have been many other fantastic books, articles and videos that I would be more than happy to share if this is something of interest.

Journaling has been strictly implemented everyday as a cornerstone of my morning. Translating my thoughts into a physical entity has made them tangible and something I can work to manipulate. This practice has allowed me to empty my cluttered mind onto a page, expelling the backlog for greater mental clarity. Journaling holds you accountable to honesty in how you feel due to the privacy and vulnerability it provides. This accountability ensures you know your responsibility in helping yourself. Start small. If you find writing reflectively difficult, simply noting down a couple of goals you wish to achieve for the day, no matter the size and a couple of things you are a grateful for are great ways of getting things started.

Ownership

Taking ownership of your own life is key. Without taking ownership of your life, cultivating real change and working towards a greater quality of life will be nigh on impossible. A fantastic way of thinking about this is accepting 100% of the responsibility for things that happen in your life. This means that even if an incident that occurs ‘isn’t your fault’. Accepting the fact it has impacted your life now makes it your responsibility. This forces taking control and decision making, subsequently quashing indecision. Implementing this train of thought can help you regain ownership and control of the decisions and outcomes in your life. I have made many major decisions in recent times. Both in relationships in my personal life and career decisions. I saw these as necessary in order to progress my own life. You cannot always be selfless. Put yourself first and do not be afraid to take ownership.

“Everything changes for the better when you take ownership of your own problems” ~ Robert Ringer

Passion and purpose

I have wrestled with the concept of passion and purpose being a means to an end when it comes to my career. In doing so has prevented me from any form of progression. Passion and purpose are notions I could write a book on, as not only am I extremely passionate about these subjects but I deem it one of, if not the most important aspect of fulfilment within work and life. My journey with my mental health has inadvertently led me to question this very topic, revealing some great insights into something I have spent numerous years and a significant portion of my energy racking my brain towards. 

Find a quiet place, completely distraction free and ask yourself what makes you happy? If you could enter any new career pathway or venture tomorrow, what would this look like? Do not worry if you don’t know. Spend as much time as you need thinking about this. Form better habits, set achievable goals and you will see your passions come to fruition. Working towards something you are passionate about will inadvertently uncover the purpose of the why. Why you are doing the work you are doing.

I also understand people have commitments. This is where personal honesty and integrity come back into play. If you are unable to be honest with yourself, or have the courage to hold your hands up and say that what you are doing isn’t right for you, then you must take action.

“The purpose of life is a life of purpose” ~ Robert Byrne

“He who has a why to live for can bear almost any how” ~ Friedrich Nietzsche

Conclusion

Although just a whistle-stop tour of some pertinent tools and methods I have used, this is by no means exhaustive. I plan on further exploring in far greater depth the methods I utilise; my experiences and how over time I have been able to significantly strengthen both my relationship with myself and others. This includes developing a more refined understanding of purpose, shedding light on combatting negative triggers and thought patterns when they arise and finding real happiness in the everyday. It is my hope that this blog can help others in similar situations pick themselves up in times where doing just that seems to be the thing they wish to do the least. I am by no means an expert, however I care. I care to continuously learn and develop both others and myself. You’re not alone. Things certainly get better. You’re far more than what your mind will credit you for. Navigating the mind can be a minefield. Be kind to yourself and be kind to others.

Know that if I am able to turn my mental health around, waking up with a smile and discovering something worth waking for, then so can you. Set goals, have the systems in place and thrive.

Max